The Great Wedding Caper
by Kitsune Moonstar
Summary: Relena's getting married. Unfortunately, her mother's taken over the wedding plans.


Author's note: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters. Please don't sue me; I have student loans to pay off. This story was in part inspired by the music video for _You Can't Take the Honkytonk Out_ _of the Girl_ by Brooks and Dunn.

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The Great Wedding Caper

Noin gave Zechs a quick kiss. "I'll call you as soon as I know what's going on. Something has to be if Relena isn't inviting you to her wedding."

He nodded. "I'll be at the hotel; take care love."

"I will."

She took a deep breath then headed for the shuttleport's exit. Last week she had gotten a note form Relena asking her to be Relena's maid of honor. And that was it. When the wedding invitation arrived, it was addressed to Noin only and it was specified that the addressee only come to the wedding.

Finding this odd and not at all in character with the earlier wedding plans, Noin had R.S.V.P.ed, then both she and Zechs had headed to Earth. Noin was determined to find out what the hell was going on even if she had to call in every single Preventer to do it.

Noin exited the shuttleport to find Relena and eight other girls waiting for her, holding a sign that read 'Maid of Honor'. She waved to them, and the girls erupted into giggles and squeals. Noin winced slightly, but she did not miss the relief that had appeared in Relena's eyes.

"So, who do I have to thank for all this?" She asked as everyone piled into the limo.

Relena sighed, "My mother."

"What happened to the small family wedding?"

"My mother."

Noin sighed. She had met Regina Darlian once before. The woman had come to demand Relena be turned over to her. At the time, Noin had been Relena's legal guardian due to Zechs' request. As they were in the middle of rebuilding the Sanc Kingdom at the time and Relena was a target, she had refused. Mrs. Darlian had finally given in, but she left Noin with the impression that she was used to getting what she wanted.

The wedding party was being housed at a very large and elegant bed and breakfast that was right next to the church. Once there, Noin managed to separate Relena and herself from the gaggle of bridesmaids.

"Okay Relena, spill," Noin said as she locked her bedroom door.

Relena collapsed onto Noin's bed. "I called my mother to let her know about the wedding around a month ago, and suddenly, she's taken over the entire thing, and I don't have a say at all anymore. She overrides each and every one of my objections. My personal family wedding has been turned into this huge society shindig. I'm lucky I was allowed you was my maid of honor. I've barely seen Heero in the last three weeks, and she refuses to let me invite my brother. I wanted him to walk me down the aisle. She says he doesn't deserve to be here since he abandoned me for most of my life, but the real reason is she knows Zechs would put a stop to all this. And she monitors everything, including my email and phone calls."

Noin sat down next to her. "We'll fix this. I promise. The rehearsal is in ten minutes. Let me change, and I'll meet you over at the church."

Relena caught the twinkle in Noin's eye. "All right."

"Oh, and Relena, do you know where the marriage licence is?"

"In the priest's office. Why?"

"No reason."

As soon as Relena was gone, Noin whipped out her cell phone. "Zechs, hey it's me. I need you to make some arrangements..."

Regina Darlian had never liked Noin, and at this point, Noin was quite willing to give her reasons not to start. Noin had shown up at the wedding rehearsal in faded blue jeans that fit like a second skin, a tight black shirt that read 'I can curse you in five seconds' across the front and 'Do you feel lucky?' across the back, and no shoes. Quite a contrast from the demure sun dresses the rest of the bridesmaids wore. The shirt had earned her disapproving looks, and the lack of shoes had annoyed Mrs. Darlian.

And that was just the beginning. All throughout the rehearsal, Noin kept whispering comments about what their friends would be doing if they were here, especially Duo's antics. This had Relena in stitches and even Heero was grinning. By the end of the rehearsal, Noin had most definitely earned the dislike of the priest.

Once the rehearsal was over, Heero was dragged off to his bachelor party. It was then that Noin learned that no bachelorette party had been planned for Relena. She quickly took charge of the bridesmaids, sending them off to the limo while she got her shoes and made a quick phone call and lifted the marriage license from the priest's office.

As soon as Noin climbed into the limo, the driver asked, "Where to, ma'am?"

"The Order of the Holy Cross." Noin grinned.

"Noin," whispered Relena, "what are you doing? Besides causing trouble I mean."

"Just relax, Relena. I have everything under control."

At the bar, the girls went to find a table while Noin had a chat with the barkeep, who happened to be her second cousin.

"Thanks Anna. You're a lifesaver."

"No problem. Hey Gabriel," she called her husband over. "Unlimited rounds for the table in the back. We're trying to get them as drunk as possible."

Noin headed back to the table with a pair of drinks for herself and Relena. "Here, Pilot's Special. Don't worry, it's completely nonalcoholic."

"You have a plan, right?"

Noin just smiled. Two hours later, they were loading extremely drunk bridesmaids into the limo with the help of Anna, Gabriel, and the driver. Noin pulled the driver aside and gave her a large wad of cash. "Take them back to the bed and breakfast, and make sure they get back to their rooms. If anyone asks, Relena and I are in our rooms and don't want to be disturbed."

The girl grinned. "Yes ma'am!"

Anna tossed Noin a set of keys. "These came for you earlier. The car is parked out back."

"Thanks. I'll met you back inside, Relena."

Noin soon returned with two dress boxes and a small bag. She handed one box to Relena and shepherded her towards the ladies room. Relena gasped as she opened her dress box. Inside was the wedding dress she had originally picked out, not the poofy creation that currently hung in her bedroom.

Noin had already changed into a silvery blue-violet gown. "Get changed, so we can do your make up. We have an appointment in half an hour."

"With who?"

The older woman just smiled and produced dress shoes from a bag. Before long, Noin was driving them to an undisclosed location, and Relena was losing patience.

"Noin, what the hell is going on?"

"There's a veil and a bouquet in the backseat. Your small family wedding is waiting for you at a chapel run by a friend of Zechs and mine."

"How?" Relena was near tears.

Noin smiled. "I called Zechs, and he arranged the rest. You're his only sister after all. We're here."

Zechs was waiting for them by the door. He smiled at Relena. "You look beautiful, Relena. Do I have to give you away? Can't I keep you?"

Relena laughed. "Sorry brother dearest, nothing is going to stop me from getting married. Not even you."

With that, they entered the church. The ceremony was brief and simple, but it was perfect in Relena's eyes. Her brother beamed the entire time, and even Heero's normally expressionless face betrayed joy.

At the end, the two dozen guests congratulated Relena and Heero before heading off into the night. Zechs and Noin were the last to leave and did so only after presenting the newlyweds with tickets to Tahiti.

"But what about tomorrow?" Relena asked.

"I'll take care of everything," Noin told her. "You go enjoy your honeymoon."

Zechs and Noin saw them off before heading back to the bed and breakfast. Noin smiled and collected a kiss as she left the car. "I'll see you tomorrow. Don't be late."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Noin managed to safely sneak back to her room and quickly climbed into bed. After all, she had one final performance to pull off in the morning.

The bed and breakfast was in chaos the next morning. All eight of the bridesmaids were suffering from major hangovers which kept Mrs. Darlian quite busy. No one had noticed the groom was missing, and Noin had claimed to have taken charge of getting the bride ready. She quickly dressed in Relena wedding dress and veil before heading out to the limo where Relena was supposed to wait. Another large sum of cash took care of ensuring the driver's silence.

A half hour later, everyone was in position except for the groom. Regina Darlian was nearly in hysterics over the missing groom. She had never approved of Heero, but been hell bound and determined that her adopted daughter would have a society wedding fitting her status. The church bells began to chime the hour. Noin smirked; that was her cue. As she kicked off her heels, a mustang convertible pulled up in front of the church. Regina had time to register shock as she recognized Zechs as the driver before dropping her jaw as the bride ran from the limo and vaulted into the passenger's side of the car.

The car sped off leaving behind a shocked audience and the bride's veil. Noin grinned at Zechs and turned up the stereo. She sang along with the Dixie Chicks' _Ready to Run_ as they headed for the highway.

Back at the church, Regina Darlian was having hysterics.

"I don't care what they're doing. I want every single Preventer alive working on finding my daughter. And get a warrant out for the arrest of that damn hussy. This is all her doing, mark my words. Hers and that no account, worthless fiancee of my daughter's. I want my baby found and brought safely home. I don't care what you have to do. Just get her back. And I want that Noin woman found. I don't want her anywhere near my daughter. I can't think why Milliardo Peacecraft ever named her Relena's guardian. That girl's a first class slut who probably slept her way to every position she's ever held. Why are you just standing there? Find my little girl!"

Duo laughed as the priest tried to calm the woman down and get her to take a sedative. He'd go straight home and make copies of this tape to send to Relena and Heero in Tahiti and Zechs and Noin on Mars. This would definitely be a wedding they would never forget.

Owari (the end)


End file.
